Ladies' Man
by NeverMineToHold
Summary: Fact 1: Sanji is a ladies' man. Fact 2: He never gets lucky. So why doesn't he mind? Luffy/Sanji


Title: "Ladies' Man"

Status: OneShot

Fandom: One Piece

Pairing(s)/Character(s): Luffy/Sanji; Usopp, Nami, Zorro

Disclaimer: Copyright Eiichiro Oda; no copyright infringement intended.

Rating: T

Genre: Alternate Universe – Canon, slash, established relationship

Warnings: none

Summary: Fact 1: Sanji is a ladies' man. Fact 2: He never gets lucky. So why doesn't he mind?

Ladies' Man

"Let me help you, mademoiselle," Sanji said, smiling around his cigarette. He dumped his purchases into Luffy's arms, nearly running his captain over in his haste to get to a cute brunette. She was straining to reach the top of a shelf and there wasn't much left that her skirt actually covered.

Sanji reached around her to pick up the jar of apricot jam her fingers had barely managed to brush. He offered it to her with a little half-bow. "Here you are, beautiful."

She startled and stepped on Luffy's toes, who didn't even blink and was ignored anyway, as she blushed a pretty shade of red. "Oh my, thank you."

Usopp made a gagging noise. He had long since learned that it was better to steer clear of fluttering eyelashes and simpering looks aimed at their cook, because Sanji just couldn't help falling over himself to impress anything that passed as female.

"Let's leave the lovebirds alone," Usopp said and dragged his captain down the aisle, who lost a bundle of carrots in the process. Luffy didn't resist, full attention already on the meat counter where a certain swordsman was waiting.

"Yo." Zorro nodded by way of greeting. "Where's the ero-cook?"

Usopp snorted. "Make an educated guess."

"I wonder why he even tries," Nami said, wandering over from the fruit stand. She popped a strawberry into her mouth. "He flirts, he acts the gentleman, his eyes cross, but he never gets lucky."

Usopp gave her a dubious look. "As if you don't milk that fact for all it's worth."

"What can I say? I'm a natural."

"But our lover boy never gets laid." Zorro looked past Usopp and rows of canned food to see Sanji swooning, his target now being a busty blonde. Nami gave him a shove and the whole group of waiting customers shuffled two steps forward. "Even if they don't shoot him down, he sabotages himself, never takes the next step. He's all talk."

"Hm hm," Usopp hummed with a nod of infinite wisdom. "Luffy, what do you think?"

Luffy, jaw hanging below his belly button and salivating for all he was worth, tore his eyes away from a huge piece of ham. "Eh? What about?"

"Idiot!" Nami snarled. "Stop slobbering all over the counter!"

Luffy just laughed. "Sorry, sorry. Don't get so worked up, Nami."

Zorro grinned, though Usopp looked almost impressed as he said, "You really are oblivious."

"Huh?"

Nami sighed. Trying to teach Luffy manners or the intricacies of interpersonal relationships was a lost cause, better to move on and get out of town quick. "Sanji! It's time!"

"I'm coming, Nami-swan!"

XXX

The ocean was almost placid that night, with a full moon and waves that only just rocked the Going Merry. Everyone had retired to their cabins after dinner, leaving Sanji to deal with the dishes – always a plus as far as collateral damage was concerned – and to whip up a little bedtime candy.

It was routine on-board, one Luffy was familiar with and relied on. Expecting the visit, he had sneaked out from the cabin Zorro and Usopp were snoring in and made his way to the anchor room. No one had ever thought to ask when a large beanbag chair had showed up there, and he settled on it, cross-legged, waiting for Sanji to show up.

He did with the silent creak of the door and planks, carrying a tray that was stacked with Luffy's favorite sandwiches and cupcakes. The glow of his cigarette seemed bright in the semi-darkness, and he carefully set the food down on a barrel.

Luffy's arm stretched towards him, fingers finding and wrapping around a tie. Instead of catapulting himself towards Sanji or hauling him in, he allowed his rubbery flesh to give. Sanji moved slowly, lips curling up into a lazy smile. When he was close enough Luffy let go, taking hold of his suit jacket instead; the fabric was warm.

"Are you done for today?" he asked and plucked the cigarette right out of Sanji's mouth; the butt was moist between his fingertips. He wasn't talking about cleaning the galley and they both knew it.

"Yeah."

Sanji shifted closer, his weight came to rest in Luffy's lap as he straddled his captain, and the beanbag chair thinned out to accommodate them, a cozy padding. Luffy took a drag, letting the smoke curl down his throat, and grimaced.

He swallowed Sanji's chuckle with his mouth, the kiss too rushed, clicking their teeth together, and felt fingers tugging at his hair. He tasted bitter nicotine and the sharp tang of sake, inhaled Sanji's aftershave and met the grinding pressure with his own hips rising. Luffy's hand wandered lower, searching for the metal of a zipper, because finding it was more important than breathing right now.

The light of the discarded cigarette faded. That suited them just fine.

XXX

"Aren't you bothered by this?" Usopp demanded to know.

He gestured to Sanji, who was flirting with a whole bunch of women. They tittered coyly and never failed to lean forward to give him a good look at their cleavage. The cook looked ready to keel over from bliss and a fountain-nosebleed.

"Hm?" Luffy stopped twirling his straw hat. "Why should I?"

Usopp threw his hands in the air and marched back to the bar. "Honestly, why do I even bother."

Luffy followed him more slowly. Hidden behind the brim of his hat he grinned and licked his lips. They tasted like Sanji.

The End

R&R


End file.
